Goin' Unplugged

No, not from the blog. I wouldn't want to let my huge :::cough::: following down. I kid, I kid....

Just from internet message boarding. It took a major shock today to make me decide to stop posting there for a while. It took Adam falling down the stairs while I was busy on the board.

Yeah, he fell down the stairs. The scary tumbling head over heels kind, too. The entire flight onto a tile floor. My heart stopped while I ran to get to him. I've never felt so shitty. Here I'm busy telling a woman how she should feel about her mother changing religions and my little boy is falling down because I'm not paying attention. Nice going, Mama.

Adam was thankfully ok, but it got me thinking. My maternity leave is done in a few weeks and I will not be with him all day. I don't want to look back at my leave and think that I wasted too much time reading what strangers think about fill-in-the-blank. Mind you, I've been posting with a lot of these ladies since finding out I'm pregnant, and I post every day. So, it's a community that I've grown fond of. It's my entertainment, my adult interaction, my escape during the day.

Being home with a baby can be very mundane and a bit repetitious, so hanging out with other women in the same situation is a good way to pass the time. My problem is that I can't just check the board and move on. I have to check again. And then again. Maybe someone responded. Did someone post something new? There was always drama, so before you knew it, Adam's entire nap was done and I hadn't done a thing.

Sometimes I'd find myself quickly reading/posting while Adam wanted to play with Mama. I'd hum to him or sing a song while I quickly checked the board. He always seems happy, so I don't think he knew that I was pretty much ignoring him at that moment, but I knew. I always felt guilty about it.

Now, I'm probably being more dramatic than necessary, but it was a wake up call. Spend more time with your child. Don't try to escape so much. Yes, being home can be boring at times, but they grow up so fast. Enjoy each moment and try to be present as best you can.

I'm not logging off of my board forever. I will probably get back on in a few weeks, but the break will do me some good. I will read more, play with Adam more, take more walks, go on more play dates and just enjoy life before I go back to work at the end of the month.

Damn, I'm going miss those girls though!