Ferber- Night 5

Night 5 was almost as hard as Night 1 was. It was the night I almost threw in the Ferber towel. Yeah, it was a doozy.

Abe was at band practice, so I was on my own for bedtime. Now, normally, that wouldn't have bothered me in the least. But this week, I find myself clinging to him as evening comes around like I did when Adam was first born. Not a pretty sight, let me tell you.

Adam of course got right up when I put him in his crib and cried out his protest. I ended up calling Sandy for moral support while I sat out on the back step, sliding the glass door open every minute to check for sound. This went on for 30 minutes. He had cried for 18 the night before, so this was a step backward.

He slept from 8:40 to 2:30, where I nursed him. I was confident that he would then probably sleep until morning and have only woken up once, like the night before.

Yeah, right. It's almost like they can get into your mind and read your thoughts. Then they make a sabotage plan just to mess with your cockiness. He was up again at 4:50. What do I do now? The plan to stretch out his feedings to retrain his hunger cues wouldn't work now..... he still have an hour and a half to fuss until I could feed him again.

So, we let him cry. I prayed that it would go fast. No such luck. He went on and off, like he always does, for over an hour. Abe made checks, but they did no good; Adam would calm down, only to scream when Abe left the room. I tried to stay calm myself, but ended up losing it. I cried, hard. I took a shower to get away from the sound and sobbed. Abe and I bickered, much like on Night 1 about things that weren't necessarily baby related. I think the stress just gets to you so much that you lash out at each other. Finally, Abe calmed him down enough that he drifted off to sleep. Now, technically, you aren't supposed to be in the room when they go down, or you're just creating another sleep association: Mommy or Daddy need to pat me down. But at that point, I didn't care. I needed him to stop crying.

He slept until 6, got nursed his breakfast and then fell asleep on my chest (again, much like Night 1). He woke happy and ready to play the day away.

Mama, on the other hand, was an emotional wreck. I can't decide if I can go through with the rest of this plan. I can't decide if I want to do Ferber for the night time feedings and just get things done in one clean swoop or if I want to continue feeding him, but just gradually spread them out. I don't mind getting up once or even twice to feed him, as long as he goes down pretty easily in the evening and after feedings. I worry that me not having him cry it out after feedings will ruin any progress we've made. I worry that just cutting him off from the feedings will be too hard for him. I also know that I can't just feed him and then have him cry for an hour each time. So that part I'm pretty sure I just won't be able to do anymore. If he gives me a 6-7 hour stretch in the beginning of the night, I will gladly get up once or so for a while.