Happy Belated Halloween

Halloween is one of my more favorite holidays.  I love the candy and the spookiness.  This was the first year that Adam went trick or treating, even though he really didn't understand the concept.  I had found a perfect costume at Old Navy during an impromptu shopping spree (when I showed up to a meeting a week early and Abe told me to take advantage of the time without the kids with a bit of shopping. Bonus!) and for a great price- $9.  I had been putting in bid after bid on Ebay for an Elmo costume, but this worked out great.  Adam loves monkeys and frankly, he's my little monkey.  He currently loves us reading him Curious George books and calls him "Not Nice" monkey..... looks like he's identifying with the mischievous side of George.


Jimi, who dressed as ketchup this year, went to his mom's this year for Halloween, even though it was our Sunday.  He has more fun going out with his friends, so hanging out with his dad and stepmom isn't as appealing anymore.  So, Abe stayed home with Ava, while I took Adam out for his first T-O-Ting.  He was so excited to see the other children and all of the costumes.  I kept having to remind him to say T-O-T at every house.  I think he will really get the full experience next year.  After doing a few houses, we came home to let Abe take him out for the rest of the houses.  All candy he got went into the give-out dish, but he didn't care.  He's never had candy, so there were no tears.  Yes, I'm the mean mom who doesn't let their kid eat candy.  I know he will one day, but 24 months just seems too young to me.

I can't wait until next year's Halloween when Adam and Ava can go out together!

One Step at a Time

I took the kids to a play date with a bunch of friends from the playgroup today.  It's one of the perks of being a stay at home mom.  The moms get together, snack on a few treats and watch the kids play, all while talking about the kids, even when they swore to themselves that they wouldn't.  It's hard to spend your entire day so focused (ok, not always so completely focused on...) your children and then easily break out of that zone.  Sure, we'll gossip a bit, talk about things we've heard in the news, but a lot of the conversation floats back to our lovies.  Adam had a great time and we came home with pumpkins with their names on it. 

As much as I love hanging out with the group, it has caused me some stress lately.  It seems that Adam has taken this whole "Terrible Twos" thing to heart and has entered the hitting phase.  He went through a short-lived phase of it last Christmas when his older cousin introduced smacking to him.  The phase was quickly snuffed out, only to return in the past couple of months.  First, he started hitting us.  More recently, he started hitting his friends and other children.  At first, it was if someone took his toy.  Then it was if someone came too close.  It then escalated to be what seemed random times.  Then it was his baby sister.

The worst was when I had to spend a good part of story time at the library, an event I was looking forward to taking him to, keeping him from smacking a little girl because she had a doll he wanted.  Then later that day, I tried to erase that bad experience by taking him to Jungle Java to hang out with some friends. Adam was determined to strike out at the kids, even though they weren't doing anything apparent.  He smacked a stranger's little girl twice, and even though I pulled him away and disciplined him, the woman went off on me.  Now, I understand she was pissed, but come on lady, I've got a 3 week old strapped to my chest and I was obviously trying to handle it.  But the shame really got to me.  I took him to another library event the following week and he started acting up again.  It started getting into my head so much that I canceled a fun outing to the cider mill because I was so worried that I'd be embarrassed by his behavior.  I felt like a failure as a parent and worried that it would get worse and we'd never be able to go anywhere social.  I trolled the internet for answers and whined about it on my message board. 

Then something changed in my mind.  I decided to change my mind about how I thought about Adam because it wasn't fair to him and it wasn't doing either of us any good.

This is what I posted on my message board, getting a lot of support and commiseration from the moms.

The challenges of raising a toddler, in addition to taking care of a newborn, really affected how I felt about parenting and about myself. And I'm tired of it. 
After a few weeks of Adam acting out at play dates and smacking kids for obvious reasons (kid took his toy) to not so obvious (little girl sitting on a chair he must have wanted), and being yelled at by a  stranger mom in front of my entire play group when Adam hit her kid, I started looking at Adam in a new way.  Maybe not so cute and lovable anymore and more like someone I didn't like as much anymore.  I started shying away from play dates and wondering if I can even bring him around my friends' kids.  I canceled day trips because he might hit.
 Then he acted out a few times with the baby.  He would be mad at me and take a swipe at her.  I knew it was normal and even expected it, but when it happened, I felt like a failure.  And that "afraid of my son's behavior" feeling came back.  But now it was constant and not just while out.  I cringed when it was time to come in from outside because i knew it would cause a tantrum and that would "ruin" our fun outside.  I would smile through gritted teeth when he wanted to "love" the baby because he might hug her too hard or lay on her to kiss her and make her cry. Or hit her when I told him to leave her alone. That would bring on the "my child isn't perfect" feeling again.  I started noticing that when friends would ask how Adam was, I'd list the things I was frustrated with.
Then it hit me.  This isn't what Adam does; it's what toddlers do.   Sure, not all toddlers and not at the same age, but it's just being a toddler.  it's not who Adam is. Who he is funny and playful and loving.  What he is doing is going through growing pains and instead of me feeling like a failure or being guilty because I don't like my child's behavior (and secretly worried that it was making me not like him as much), I realized that it was my job to guide him through those pains.  And to stop taking it so damn personal.  Because it's not.  It just is what life with a growing person is like.  So when he cries because I told him to stop doing something, I'll be ok with it.  And when he tries to get my attention by acting out, I'll be ok with it too.  And I will start telling people of all the smart and wonderful things he does every day.

So, I'm paying attention to Adam's needs and mood to see when he's prone to hit.  I'm making sure he's not hungry or tired (in retrospect, the bad incident at Jungle Java was a result of Adam not having a nap and almost falling asleep right before the date).  I'm praising the heck out of him when he does the right thing or is sweet. In a nutshell, I'm parenting.  And I'm starting to understand him.  I realize that he strikes out at Ava when he's trying to be sweet, but getting too rough and I pull her away from him.  I've discovered that instead of scolding him for shoving a toy he wants to share in her face, if I ask him to give her one more kiss before I pick her up, he will be the sweetest brother you'll ever want to meet.

We're also doing time outs every time he hits.  Some days he gets one.  Some days he gets 6.

I think it's working, as the last 3 play dates were pretty incident-free.  I feel like I can show my face around people again and the feeling that I didn't like my kid is melting away.  We still have our struggling moments, but who doesn't with a toddler?

My Baby Is 2!!

I can't believe it, but Adam turned two today!  Seems like just yesterday, we had brought the little bugger home from the hospital.  Now he's a walking, talking and feeling individual, full of life. 


We're planning on celebrating his birthday this weekend with a dinner.  Nothing too big, but with this family, it's never small.  I plan on getting him his "big" gift this week, but Abe came home early and gave him a few things... a Matchbox set and a wooden letter block wagon.  He loved them.  He of course played with them for about, oh, 4.6 minutes before moving on to bugging Roxy.  Pretty standard stuff with kids his age.   Which, did I tell you, was now 2 YEARS old??  Two!

We had dinner and then stopped at a new cupcake place in town for some fancy cupcakes to bring to my mom's.  It was great seeing her.  She gave him a few of his presents and we devoured our dessert.   Adam spent much of the time chasing after her cats and then telling me "Oma kitty kitty (unintelligible) pop!"  Which is Adam-Speak for "Hey, 'member last time we were here visiting Oma?  Well, her cat swatted at me.  Not cool"  Only a mom can properly translate.  I'm going to have to write an Adam to English translator if we ever get a babysitter and go on date night (date night?.... hahahaha.... oh, sorry).

I still have to order the cake for Saturday, and think of what to cook... and get the food.  And presents.  And call to invite the family.  And clean the house.  But other than that, we're all ready to celebrate Bubby's birthday!

My baby is now 2!

Ava's Birth Story

Photo by Pink Sky Photography

It's been 6 months since I've updated the blog.  Life is busy and I always found myself promising that I'd blog the following day (heck, I'm trying to blog, while at the same time trying to get my newborn to sleep on my chest... things are a bit harder now).  Not to mention, I was pregnant and it was one hot summer.  My energy levels were in the toilet and a lot of my time was spent chasing Adam.

I know, excuses, excuses....

Our little girl is here! Beautiful and sweet little Ava is here.   I can't believe I have a daughter.  Here is her birth story.

Ava made her entrance into the world on September 9, 2010.  9/9/10 is a pretty good birth date to have.  She was 2 days overdue, unlike her brother, who was on his due date.  So, my little girl is just like her mama.... always a little bit late.


I woke up around 6:00 that morning with some contractions that got stronger and more rhythmic.  After a few hours of timing them, we decided to call the doctor to see what she suggested.  A few recent birth stories, including my friend Lyndsay's 1 1/2 hour labor and a lady on my parenting message board whose husband had to do deliver their child in their bathtub (I kept thinking how dirty mine was and how I'd better keep it clean just in case), made me nervous that things would go a lot more quickly than it did with Adam.

Boy, did they.

After getting told to go to the hospital, we arrived around 12:30 pm.  My contractions seemed to have slowed down on the ride in, which frustrated me and convinced Abe that we were going in way too early.  Once checked at the hospital, I was dilated to a 4 and 75% effaced.  I was told by the attending doc to walk the halls for 2 hours before they'd get me a room.  Yeah, just what I wanted to do... walk the halls with back labor (just like Adam's labor- ugh) for 2 hours.  A nurse caught me later and told me that the staff couldn't understand why the doctor was making me wait so long and to come back in an hour.  Thank god for nurses.

After that hour of walking and pausing to groan every three minutes (and have to remind Abe that I couldn't answer his questions, like where I thought they kept the mustard in the snack room, in the middle of a contraction), I finally was admitted to my room at 3:00 pm.  I was at a 6 cm and was left to labor.  I had the option of having my water broken, but I wanted to see if it would do it on its own.  And frankly, I knew that labors go into overdrive once the water is broken and I was scared to get into that part of the labor.  I was going med-free and I wanted to build up to that kind of pain.  By 6:00, the contractions had gotten pretty severe and I wanted to get the show on the road, so I requested the doctor break my water.  With Adam, my water broke some time during one of my 3 medical procedures and I was high as a kite on Morphine and had to be told by Abe that it had happened.  So, I never got the standing in line at the store water breaking moment that you see in the movies.  Sort of disappointing.

Once my water was broken, they told me I was 10 cm and fully effaced.  The nurse told me that it was the first time she had a patient whose water didn't break on its own being that far along.  I have stubborn membranes, I guess.  The contractions started coming hard and fast and the doctor told me to push.  I was confused because I didn't have the classic feeling of needing to ... sorry for the TMI.. poop that you do when you're having a baby.  Well, no one told me that you only have that feeling when you have an epidural.  The feeling comes from the fact that the bowels are being pushed on by the baby and that's the only thing the body can feel.  When you go natural, you just feel... well, pain.  Lots of pain.  So, I follow orders and push, even though I thought I wasn't ready.  The doctor informs me that she is being called into the triage and that I can give another practice push if I want to.  I figure, sure, what the heck.  I want this increasingly painful event to end as quickly as possible. 

So, I push. 

Mind you, no doctor is at the foot end of the bed and the nurse is busy on the computer at my head and Abe is on the other side by my head. 

Suddenly, mid-push, soemthing wasn't right. I quickly realized that I can feel the head coming out.  Fast.  And no one is at the end to catch the baby.  I yell out that I could feel the head.  The nurse looks at me in disbelief and Abe takes a peek and declares that he could see the head.  He then throws in the part about how the cord is wrapped around her neck.  He doesn't remember saying it, just thinking it, so it really was one of those "Did I just say that out loud?" moments.  The nurse becomes panicked and rushes to see what was going on.  Now, I probably don't have to tell you that it's not a good feeling to see panic in your nurse's eyes.  I know she didn't mean to, but she scared the bejeebers out of me.  Labor and deliver, especially med-free, is supposed to be about relaxing and counting on the people around you to help you feel more in control.  So, when your nurse frantically yells out for your husband to push the red call button and then yells "I need a doctor in here NOW!", you really don't get to practice your cleansing breathes.

Now, I don't want to scare anyone who plans on going natural, because I'm glad I did.  But man, did it hurt.  I think the fact that the doctor wasn't there to help guide me made the moment scarier and increased the pain.  I will admit without shame that I became quite undignified and might have yelled out things like "Please help me!" and "Someone please catch my baby".  Yeah, makes me glad we weren't filming to document the occasion. I can just see it....  "Oh Ava, here's the part where Mommy shrieks like a stuck pig!"

So, after a few hours of labor and 2 pushes, Ava was born.  She weighed 8 pound, 3 ounces and was 20 inches long.  She had a huge shock of dark hair, just like her brother and has the same dark eyes.  No mistaking who her daddy is.

Recovery went like a breeze and we've been adjusting to live with 2 under 2, as they call it.  Adam has adjusting really well and gets the biggest smile on his face when he sees his "Baby Aya".  I do have to make sure that he doesn't lay on her or try to pick her up and occissionally he has pulled her hair when he's mad at me.  But overall, he's doing wonderfully.  Suddenly, he looks so much bigger and older.  It makes me sort of sad to see how much he's grown when compared to his sister.  He's not the baby anymore. 

Motherhood this time around is so much easier than the first time.  I'm not nervous like I was with Adam and while it's a lot of work, it's so worth it.

15 Month Stats

Yes, it's been a million years since I've last updated.  I'm just not finding the time after getting home from work, cooking dinner and getting Adam to bed to sit down and blog.  Life has just gotten way too busy for me! 

I did want to give a quick update on things.  It's been a tough winter for all of us.  Right before Christmas break we ended up having to rush Adam to the emergency room with a 105 fever.  He was diagnosed with an ear infection and we were sent home with a script for antibiotic.  That was his 2nd ear infection that winter already.   

Then the next week Abe came down with the flu.  He's rarely sick, so it was interesting taking care of him.  Then I got sick. Then Adam got sick.  And then Jimi got sick.  Then the rest of the family got sick, including family that had traveled in for Christmas.

You get the picture. 

Adam's had 2 more ear infections since...... now we've got an appointment with an ENT.  A lot of people think that they might suggest tubes to help drain the fluid.  I'm willing to do anything at this point because Adam's already cruddy sleep has been HORRENDOUS since mid-December.  He's waking multiple times a night and it's really taking a toll on Abe and I. 

He has been full-fledge teething, too.  Currently, he's got all 4 of his 1st year molars and 2 of his canines coming in at once.  Needless to say, it's contributed to his crappy sleeping patterns.  I check his mouth every day, praying that I see those suckers fully popped up.  It's been a month and a half and we're just barely seeing white.  Those molars are killers!



Adam has been growing like a weed.  He's a true toddler now... running, climbing, pulling stuff down, throwing tantrums when he is told no.  He's a ton of fun, as well as a ton of work at times.  He's such a personality!  He loves to play with his toys, especially balls.  He has also fallen in love with books and is always bringing us one from his favorite series, a series called "That's Not My..." touch and feel books.  I have to admit it's a love/hate relationship for me;  I love that he loves to be read to and to look at books, but I will admit that sometimes when I see him coming with a book in his hand and I'm trying to make dinner or do laundry, it's a little bit of a "Oh oh, here he comes again" moment.  I usually will plop down to read to him though. 

Jimi and Abe are good.  Nothing new to report on them.  Abe's been busy with work and has been playing with his newest toy, a fancy keyboard, in his spare time.  Jimi loves playing his XBox games and I think is dreaming of spring when he can go outside to play again.  He's still very serious about school this year and hates to miss a day.

Now, for record keeping purposes, here are Adam's 15 month stats. 

Weight: 23.7 lbs. (35%)
Height: 32 1/4 inches  (78%)
Head: (greater than 97%)

Hopefully I can be better at updating from now on.  I promise I'll try!

1 year Stats and More

I realized that I hadn't updated when Adam had his 1st year appointment.  If I don't do it here, I would never remember his stats.

So, little Bubby clocked in at 23 pounds, 7 ounces and 30 3/4 inches.  For some reason I thought he was heavier than that (maybe it's because he feels like a million pounds when I pick him up).  His growth has really slowed down.  He only grew 3/4 inch from his 9 month checkup and had only gain a little over a pound.  That explains why he can fit in his clothes a lot longer than before.  That's a bonus!  The doctor wasn't concerned, so neither am I.

The funny part of the visit is that while he is 75% for height and 53% for weight, he is 97% for head size.  My lollipop baby.  His head has stayed consistently in the 90+%.  It makes me giggle because his aunt Sandy has always teased me about my big head and used to whine if I wore one of her hats or sunglasses because I stretched them out.  Now you know where he gets it from!

Adam is growing in so many ways!  He is a full walker now.  The only time he crawls if he needs to pull up on something; he still hasn't mastered getting up on his own.  He has started running, too.  He likes to run away from mama when she wants to get something from him.  His coordination is getting much better too, so he can steer himself around with toppling over.

Adam has reached one milestone that I'm not so thrilled about- the tantrum.  Oh and how he likes to show off this new skill.  When we're outside and need to come in.  When something is taken away from him.  When a door that he wanted open is shut.  When a door he wants shut is opened.  When he has to be dressed in the morning when mama is running late for work (again).  You get the picture. He will sometimes arch his back and throw himself (softly) onto the floor. He will give you the super stink eye and throw that silly distraction item you try to give him. Boy, that came on fast.  One minute he's my mellow yellow baby and the next he is pissed as shit left and right.  I know it's normal and to be expected, but to be honest, I thought I had a bit more time.  Maybe he's getting it out of his system?

He has started saying words- granted in his own way.  He says mama, a-dah (daddy), a-jah (Jimi) and just recenetly we figured out that a string of babble words that he says a lot is actually his way of saying "ball"- he will say "bak a ball".... I think he gets it from me saying "got your ball?" 

Notice how mama is the only clearly pronounced and enunciated word in his vocabulary?  :::puffing out chest and looking mighty proud:::  What?  A-dah was his first word and one that he says consistently to his daddy?  Oh, whatever.  Whose side are you on?

One of his favorite toys are balls.  He will smack one back and forth between his hands and then give a pretty good overhand pitch.  We're seeing future Tigers pitcher in our midst!  Looks like he might be a left-handed pitcher too. 

Sleep is still crap, so don't bother asking.  It's actually not too bad when he's not teething or having an ear infection.  Then it's "only" twice a night.  I can handle that, especially since Abe takes one of the shifts.  It's when he's teething or sick that it's holy-living-hell-on-a-stick.  Gah, I don't even want to jinx it by typing about it. 

That's it for now.  Until next time!

  

Happy Halloween!

Ok, I know this is a few days late... ok, almost a week late... but hey, as you've read, life is busy and blogging gets dropped from the to-do list. ::smacks hand::

While it wasn't technically Adam's first Halloween, it was the first one where he wasn't just a warm bundle of sleepy newborn. Last year I think I had him in an oversized Halloween sleeper. This year was his first costume and boy did he look cute! He was a skunk. Fitting since he's mama's little stinker.

I didn't want to spend a lot on this year's costume since I knew we weren't going trick or treating. I looked and looked for a cute-but-cheap one and finally found one at a resale shop nearby. I got it for a steal- $4.50. Can't beat that. Granted, I think it originally came with a hat, but whatever, Adam pulls his hats off anyway.

Jimi was a hot dog this year, complete with mustard. I didn't get to see it because his mom got it for him. I remember last year, Abe and Jimi were going to go costume shopping the weekend I went into labor, so they never got the chance. Jimi's mom pitched a fit that one wasn't purchased, so instead of going with him during the week (considering Adam was born 5 days before Halloween, there was plenty of time), so poor Abe went out the day after Adam was born, while we were still in the hospital, to get him one. Ah, noting like ex-wives to make for happy memories.

Anyway, Jimi went to his mom's for a Halloween party, so I never got to see him in his costume. And he never got to see Adam in his. That was a bummer. Hopefully, Jimi can go trick or treating with his brother next year.

Abe and I had plans on going to a party at a friend of Abe's, but I ended up sick with a sinus infection, so Abe had to go alone. So, it was me and Adam home to hand out the candy. I was excited to get him all dressed up to see the neighbors. I made sure to take him outside to get some pictures before it got dark. Fed him his dinner and waited to greet the ghosts and goblins (kids don't really come as those creatures anymore, now that I think about it) with my little skunk. Only the skunk decided that he wanted to stay outside, even though it was cold, and threw a might fit when he was brought indoors. And then he was too hot in his huge costume to stay in. So, after many attempts to keep him happy so I could show him to people, I gave up and plopped his skunky butt in the tub and then into pjs.

Then of course everyone started coming by. And Adam's in dino pjs. Oh well, they can see the pictures...lol.

We didn't have that many kids coming by, which seems to be a trend lately. So we have a huge bag of suckers and Sugar Babies left over. Thankfully, they aren't my favorites, so my butt will thank me.

Abe came home from the party, sad that he missed Adam in his costume, so he had me put him back in to take pictures. My two little stinkers.

Happy (belated) Halloween!